Glossary

A newcomer's guide to common ACA vocabulary and jargon

12 Steps or "The Steps"
TWELV STEPS OR THUH STEPS

The core set of spiritually grounded guiding principles in ACA, outlining the path of recovery.

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ACA (When referencing oneself)
AY-SEE-AY

An individual who was affected by growing up in a dysfunctional home of alcoholics (with alcohol present).

Adult Child
uh-DULT CHYLD

Similar to an ACA, an individual raised in an environment where addiction (other than alcoholism) or dysfunctional behavior was present. Examples are...

Authority Figure
aw-THOR-ih-tee FIG-yur

An individual who holds power or control, often causing triggers for adult children.

Black Sheep
BLAK SHEEP

The family member is often viewed as the troublemaker or outcast. Black sheep often carry the family shame.

Co-Victim
KOH VIK-tim

An individual affected by another's behavior or addiction, often adopting unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Critical Parent
KRIT-ih-kul PAIR-nt

The shame enforcer. This is the internalized voice of an external parental figure that often presents as self-critical or judgmental thoughts towards...

Cross Talk
KRAWSS TAWK

In meetings, giving advice to others, interrupting, or referring directly to others' shares. Virtually anything of the like, depending on motive.

Detachment with Love
dih-TACH-muhnt with luv

Separating oneself from others' issues without losing empathy or love for them.

Difference Between ACA and Adult Child

When referring to oneself: ACAs grew up with alcoholism, while an Adult Child grew up in another dysfunctional environment that yielded similar result...

Disidentification
dis-eye-DEN-tuh-fi-KAY-shuhn

The process of separating oneself from the roles or behaviors learned in a dysfunctional family.

Dissociation
dih-soh-see-AY-shuhn

The psychological process of disconnecting from one's thoughts, feelings, or sense of identity, often as a coping mechanism.

Dry Drunk
DRY DRUNK

An individual no longer drinking alcohol but still exhibiting dysfunctional behavior patterns. An individual not or no longer drinking alcohol but sti...

Emotional Sobriety
ih-MOH-shuh-nuhl suh-BRY-uh-tee

A state of emotional health where feelings are neither suppressed nor out of control.

Enmeshment
in-MESH-muhnt

Families where personal boundaries are blurred, they are overly involved in each other's lives. This often starts with a dominant family figure whose...

False Self
FAWLS SELF

The facade or persona created to survive in a dysfunctional environment. The True Self is a combination of the physical, mental, and emotional aspects...

Family Hero
FAM-uh-lee HEER-oh

The family member who assumes responsibilities and tries to make everything appear fine. Also known as Hero Child.

Family-of-Origin
FAM-uh-lee uhv OR-ih-jin

The family unit one was born or adopted into, often where dysfunction first occurs.

Fellow Traveler
FEL-oh TRAV-uh-ler

Refers to another individual in ACA. The term emphasizes mutual support and equality in the recovery journey. Unlike traditional hierarchical sponsors...

Full Remembrance
FULL rih-MEM-bruhns

Recalling and understanding past experiences and emotions that were often buried, a key step in recovery.

Greater Power
GRAY-tur POW-er

Another term for a Higher Power, used interchangeably.

Hero Child
HEER-oh CHYLD

The family member who takes on responsibilities and tries to hold the family together. Also known as the Family Hero.

Higher Power
HAI-er POW-er

A spiritual entity or principle that is greater than oneself, often used for guidance and support in recovery. Often called a Greater Power.

Human Doing
HYOO-mun DOO-ing

A term describing someone who bases their worth and identity on constant activity, productivity, or achievements, rather than simply existing and conn...

Inner Child
IN-er CHYLD

This refers to the aspect of your psyche that holds onto your childhood experiences and emotions. It's your Inner Child at play when you find yourself...

Inner Children
IN-er CHIL-dren

Refers to the various parts of your psyche, each representing a version of yourself at different ages or stages of childhood. These Inner Children may...

Inner Drug Store
IN-er DRUH-g STOR

This term refers to our internal emotional states, reactions, and even brain chemicals produced that mimic the highs and lows often sought through sub...

Integrating the Traits
IN-tuh-gray-ting thuh trayts

The process of recognizing and accepting both the functional and dysfunctional traits within.

Invisible Child
in-VIZ-uh-bul CHYLD

The family member who avoids attention to minimize conflict or stress.

Lost Child
LAWST CHYLD

The family member who withdraws or isolates to avoid family dysfunction.

Loving Parent
LUH-ving PAIR-nt

An inner nurturing voice developed in recovery, offering support and encouragement.

Mascot
MAS-kot

The family member who uses humor or distraction as a coping mechanism.

Meeting After the Meeting
MEE-ting AF-ter the MEE-ting

Informal gatherings and conversations held after ACA or AA meetings, where members continue discussions, share insights, or talk openly about topics t...

Para-Alcoholic
PAIR-uh al-kuh-HAW-lik

An individual displaying alcoholic behavior without consuming alcohol, typically found in codependent relationships.

Parents of Our Own Making
PAIR-nts uhv hour owhen MAY-king

Individuals or entities we choose as role models or guides in our healing process to help us along the way.

Passing the Bundle
PASS-ing thuh BUN-dul

This term refers to the process of passing down dysfunctional patterns and behaviors from one generation to the next. The goal in recovery is to lesse...

Qualifier
KWAL-uh-fy-er

Another person or trait (see Laundry List), or combination of traits that suggest a person is eligible for recovery. Recognition/admission of behavior...

Rage vs Anger
RAYJ ver-sus ANG-er

The difference between uncontrolled fury often from past hurt (rage), and a valid emotional response to current situations (anger). Rage is an accumul...

Reactor vs Actor
ree-AK-ter ver-sus AK-ter

The difference between reacting out of past programming vs consciously acting in the present.

Reparenting
ree-PAIR-uhn-ting

The process of providing oneself the guidance and nurturing missed during childhood.

Scapegoat
SKAYP-goht

The family member blamed for the family's problems. AKA Black sheep. Carries the family shame.

Seeking The Familiar
SEE-king thuh fuh-MIL-yur

The tendency of ACAs to recreate environments or situations that mirror those of their dysfunctional upbringing, often subconsciously, because it give...

Self-Parenting
SELF PAIR-uhn-ting

Similar to reparenting, it's the act of nurturing and caring for oneself in a parental role.

Serenity
suh-REN-uh-tee

The peace and calm that can be achieved through recovery. Breathing, present moment living.

The Committee in Your Head
thuh kuh-MIT-ee in yor hed

The internal voices that represent past influences and messages, both positive and negative.

The Laundry List
the LAWN-dree LIST

A list of 14 common characteristics shared by adult children who grew up in dysfunctional or alcoholic homes. Created by ACA founder Tony A., this lis...

True Parent
TROO PAIR-nt

A nurturing force, external or internal, that offers unconditional love and guidance.

True Self
TROO SELF

Your authentic identity that emerges when you've worked through your past traumas and shed self-destructive behaviors and defenses. This is the aspect...